23 Jan 2020

Coffee regrets

I drank too much coffee today. I usually drink tea and even then I'm trying to cut down on it. Today, I've drank two cups of black coffee. What is up with that? I have to say that I'm not feeling good for it so I do regret it.

Regret is a funny thing. When I think about it, the regret of drinking too much coffee pales in comparison when you compare it to the regret I had as a child when I killed a spider. I've never killed bugs etc. It started when I was small. I can remember stamping on and killing that spider. I remember running in from the garden bawling my eyes out. That one event had such an impact on my life. Since then, I haven't killed anything intentionally. It's mad. I must have been about five or six years old.

Drinking two cups of black coffee first thing doesn't matter and I won't learn much from it. I've already learnt that lesson, I just chose not to bother with the lesson.

22 Jan 2020

Free your mind

Our mind can be free if we let it. Through constraints we limit our thoughts. It's not our faults, it's how we've been conditioned over the years. It's possible to recondition ourselves but it takes effort and discipline. It's not an overnight thing that can be learnt through a book or a YouTube video. We must commit ourselves to practicing a new way of thinking that we can only truly find through self-discovery.

Cut out extraneous, mind-altering things and start practicing meditation daily.

This is the most preachy I'm going to get for now. I'm not sorry. This post is here for me later when I start to doubt the path that I've been on for years.

21 Jan 2020

Past meets present

I find myself in an interesting time in my life. It's like my past is merging with my current state. It's surprising how much my life has changed over the last couple of years and now the good habits and practices that I had years ago are taking hold now.

It's hard to explain without going into specifics but the lethargic attitude that I had is lifting slowly and I'm feeling better for it. I'm reading, I'm creating and I'm meditating like I used to and it's doing me the world of good.

There are positive things that I've taken up (and a few bad ones) in the last couple of years so I've turned into some weird, independent amalgamation of what once was and what is now.

I still have my bad days but I know how to power through them and that light is at the end of the tunnel.

20 Jan 2020

Self love

This is probably going to be a short one but I feel as though I want to get my thoughts down about this some place.

So basically we need to practice to love ourselves. I'm one of those people that will put other people first rather than myself. If I can make someone else's day a bit better I'll do it. That's how my mind works but I also make a point of treating myself like I treat others too at least  once a week. I think it's important to do that because it's easy for us to out ourselves down as unworthy or whatever.

I indulge myself in good music and good food. It gives me something to look forward to each week.

19 Jan 2020

Dream Journal

I started keeping a dream journal recently. I've found that since I started it, I am dreaming more frequently and I'm able to remember more of what my dreams are about. It's like a knock on effect. I'll start unraveling them and there are often common themes that they involve. It's actually quite interesting.

I don't know how accurate it is to say but I think I can only dream things that I have a reference point for. What I mean is that I dream usually about the things that I have directly experienced. I have dreamt about far-off places that I must have seen in movies or on TV.

Going by that, I wonder what people of years gone by would have dreamed. They couldn't dream of stuff they've not seen so I wonder if their dreams were as interesting as ours are now. It's an unanswered question that I'll never know about. I wonder of Freud ever published the dreams of his patients. I could Google search it and I daresay I will but as of writing this, I haven't.

18 Jan 2020

I have more structure to my life.

Since the new year I have tried to get some degree of a structure together in my life and I am now feeling the benefits of it. Structure isn't achievable over night or over the space of a couple of days, it takes a while for it to sink in and today it feels like things have finally clicked. I woke up in a good mood for the first time in what seems like forever.

I used to be a slob. I would let dishes stack up, let my flat become untidy, I completely abandoned my meditation practice and I would just eat shit food that was clearly bad for me. It's not been easy and I've had to be tough on myself but I feel better for it. In fact, not that anyone reads this garbage but I've also managed to write something every day since the beginning of the year. I know it's not even three weeks in but don't piss on my strawberry patch.

Did you want to know the changes I've made? Heck why not.
  1. Bed time and getting up time. I now get enough sleep! (I was on less than seven, now clocking in about eight).
  2. I drink four pints of water a day. (I was on two pints).
  3. Meditation practice in non-negotiable. It happens come rain or shine.
  4. I can't go to bed if there is washing up to be done.
  5. I've introduced a rule of "if it takes less than two minutes, do it".
  6. I write every day. It could be a blog or in my journal. I don't have a rule about writing a blog a day, but so far that's what I have done.
  7. I vary my diet to make sure I've getting a good, healthy selection. (For those of you who don't know, I'm vegetarian.)
  8. No more drinking (not that I drank that much anyway.)
  9. Minimized swearing. It's funnier to swear more sporadically. It adds more of a punch.
I've made a few other changes that I'm not going to go into, but those of you who know me on more of a personal level know what they are

That's it for now. Thanks for reading the longest post I've written on the blog so far. In fact, I'll add this to my "curated links" down the side at some point for easy access.

17 Jan 2020

Stupid, shitty headache

I've had a headache all day. It's one of those ones which doesn't seem to shift. It's true that I haven't taken any painkillers but I'm not really one for taking them. Whenever I get a headache I have a checklist of things that have very obvious solutions:

  1. Am I hungry?
  2. Am I thirsty?
  3. Am I tired?
  4. When was the last time I had a cup of tea?
The last one might shock you but I drink a lot of tea. When I say a lot, I mean it. In fact, it's now at the point that I have to have tea every so often or I get withdrawal symptoms for it. If you've never had withdrawal symptoms, you are very lucky.

As I writing this (which I want to add is the day before it's published), I haven't had a cup of tea for seven hours. I've eaten, I've drank water etc so let's see if I take a sip of the tea that I made to drink whilst writing will alleviate the horrible headache I've got...

*drinks mega mug of tea very quickly*

Whilst it does take a little while to see if it has worked, I am already feeling better. Tea is the best thing in the world. I know not everyone drinks it and I judge them for it.